You are viewing information on Turner Freeman Solicitor Mathew Henderson

Mathew joined Turner Freeman in 2009 as a clerk and was admitted as a Solicitor in 2010. His practice comprises a range of general civil matters. Mathew is focused on ensuring his clients receive the best possible outcome from their claim and will pursue the most appropriate avenues in achieving this.

He has a long association with trade unions and an in-depth knowledge of worker's rights. Mathew also a personal interest in social justice generally, in particular the promotion of multicultural tolerance and understanding.

Contact Mathew at Level 8, 100 George Street, Parramatta, NSW, 225 Phone: 02 8833 2500 Fax: 02 8833 2549

Monday, July 5, 2010

Trust me I am a Solicitor.



To those who might question the relevance of two year old Internet posts from ‘Darpism.com’ to Darp’s recent case of solicitation to murder, old Victor must stress the importance of establishing a character profile.

In the case of Darp there is ample evidence to prove a lengthy track record of Darp as the agent provocateur, consistently instigating third party intervention in his (perceived) conflicts with others.

The actions of this profoundly disturbed individual must not be judged in isolation but instead viewed within the wider context of a lengthy career of incitement and provocation. This was no accidental “slip of the tongue”, a “momentary lapse of reason” or “tongue in cheek” joke. This was deadly serious and coolly calculated stuff. Ultimately though, whether or not this can be attributed to long term, serious underlying psychological problems will be for the courts to determine.

There was also his immediate resort to involving the CFMEU in his personal campaign to crush the Patriotic Youth League when they were unfortunate enough to put posters up in “his” neighbourhood. So we had the shameful situation of Trade Unionist thugs “roaming the streets at night with their lumber jackets and Eureka Flag belt buckles” hunting for young teenagers to bash for their supposed misuse of the Eureka Flag.

There are innumerable examples available on the record if one has the patience to trawl through the tedious and turgid ramblings of the idiot called Darp which prove conclusively and incontrovertibly that he is a rabble rousing, shit stirring, provocateur extraordinaire with a peculiar specialty in the field of bully baiting or getting thugs to do his bidding.

The following extract displays perfectly his peculiar specialty as dobber and provoker as he (unsuccessfully this time) attempts to incite the bashing of a lone White man by a group of (his homoerotic heroes) Pacific Islanders. Always the sneaky little dobbing coward, whispering in the ears of the bullies to fool them into doing his dirty work for him. So when the deed is done he can hold his hands up and innocently proclaim “It wasn’t ME! I merely pointed them in the right direction.”

From Darpism.com Thursday 23rd September 2004:

“There used to be a poster advertising the Goodwill Games in the men’s changeroom. Apparently BB produced an artline from his bag and drew a target over Aboriginal sprinter Patrick Johnson’s head and wrote a few unsavoury comments alongside. He likewise tagged up an Everlast ad which featured Sugar Ray Robinson lying flat on the canvass. Bill wrote “black cunt knocked out suck shit”.

Ray Leonard, Ray Robinson or Shane Mosley no one fucks with my sugar and gets away with it.I reported this act of vandalism to the big Islander boys who took it upon themselves to quietly inform Buffalo Bill that his opinions on dark skinned folk are best kept to himself unless he wanted to be in a position where he’d be legitimately able to procure steroids. In other words, they’d cut his nuts off.

Bill must have been tapering off a gear cycle because he didn’t react as I thought he would, by going buck wild and trying to take on the combined might of NZ, Fiji, Tonga and Samoa. He put on a blank face and declared his innocence of any acts of racial vandalism.I had a chat to Sonny my Samoan mate in the car park afterwards. This guy is CFMEU and has told me a few stories of being called out to deal with white supremacist groups who dared use the
Eureka flag as a part of their propaganda.”

All the way up to the current outrage where he attempted several times to goad “Daphne” to murder two high profile White Nationalists with a military assault weapon!
posted by Victor Whitelaw at Thursday, June 08, 2006

Darp's/ Mathew's fetish for violence


During the Macquarie Fields riots of February-March 2005 Darp quite deliberately drove diagonally across Sydney, a road trip of approximately Forty Kilometers, to link up with the terrorists of an extremely violent and militant Anarchist group known as “Class War”. These were the real thing, they’d earned a fearsome reputation in the U.K. for bashing both Nationalists AND Police. They even post photographs on their Website of injured Police Officers who have been hurt at violent demonstrations. They are the type who throw urine filled condoms at cops or fireworks, marbles and even dog-spikes under the hooves of Police Horses. He must have been greatly excited by the prospect of ‘pressing the flesh’ with some real, hardcore Anarchists and putting their special “skills” to good use in his war against White Nationalists.

Imagine his frustration then at being stopped by the law. Darp was furious when he was turned back at the Police cordon, he expressed as much on the comments pages his Blog and other Internet sites. Didn’t these cops know who he was? He believed he had every right to be there. The fact is though, there was no legitimate reason whatsoever for him to be there, particularly given his background. As a Middle Class, North of Parramatta Road, bourgeois Chardonnay Socialist, he was as out of place in the underclass wastelands of Macquarie Fields as a Pork chop at a Bar Mitzvah.

He could scarcely claim he was just “passing through”. If he had been a responsible and law abiding citizen he would have been at home like all the members of the then WPCA and other so-called “Neo-Nazi” groups and watching it on T.V. But no, Darp is Darp and he is an habitual trouble maker. Being supremely arrogant and as thick as pig-shit in the neck of a bottle he was soon vowing to return to the scene of the crime.

He declared on Darpism.com on Tuesday 1st March 2005:

“Depending on work commitments, I might try and get out there today.”

But the Police had no tolerance for rubberneckers, agents provocateur or out of town political vultures like Darp. The NSW Police were struggling to contain the riots, let alone stop them, hindered as they were by restrictive operational protocols and a leadership, from the Local Area Command upwards, inculcated with Left Wing nonsense from the likes of “advisors” on “Cultural sensitivity” like Dr. John Casey and other career social vandals.

Darp’s intent was clearly to exploit the dangerously volatile situation for all it was worth and to foment more violence but refocus it along Racial lines rather than those of class. A quick study of the comments being made on the FDB’ers and other Left Wing Blog sites and their comments pages confirms what the intention was. Fortunately, several White Nationalists have archived the relevant files thereby negating the effect of certain FDB sites being “cleaned up”. Weezil in particular erased all of his ‘Haloscan’ comments files around this time.

Much has been made by the Controlled Media recently of the fact that a handful of Nationalists were at the Cronulla affair, which was still largely primarily (apart from about 200 rioters out of a crowd of 5000) a peaceful protest, but why has no such “investigative journalism” been focused on the role of extreme Left Wing agitators in the Macquarie Fields Riots?

On the Ninth of August 2005 on the ‘Fight Dem Back’ Website Darp published his interview with Dave Hann, the author of “No Retreat”, a document which for all intents and purposes is a handbook on how to harass, stalk and bash ‘Fascists’.

In the interview the slimy lickspittle Darp fawns all over this extremely dangerous and nasty creature with hero worshipping adulation. It truly is cringe-worthy stuff. During the interview Hann proudly boasts how in the U.K. he organised gangs of Leftist thugs known as “The Squads” to lie in wait for lone Nationalists and bash them. He even admits to bugging the meetings of the British National Party, a LEGAL and registered political party, cutting their phone lines during an election campaign and attempting to physically ambush three of their official candidates on their way to a polling booth.

This last act was thwarted when the candidates were provided with a Police escort. Darp can barely conceal his glee during the interview and gushes with the obsequious enthusiasm of the true sycophant. It becomes blatantly obvious that Darp fantasises about forming his OWN “Squads” of street marauding thugs who will patrol the city hunting down anyone with Nationalist tendencies. We know this because Darp has already boasted on his own Blog ‘Darpism.com’ that he had “guys with lumber jackets and Eureka Flag belt buckles” patrolling his neighbourhood hoping to catch and bash the young lads from the Patriotic Youth League as they put up posters and stickers criticising Multiculturalism.


posted by Victor Whitelaw at Monday, March 06, 2006

Mat Henderson Violent Liar.


Mathew Henderson-Hau AKA Darp was in attendance outside the 2005 Sydney Forum in Tempe spruiking up the Left Wing picket line. He was right on the spot as an hysterical, shrieking Leftist attacked a young White Nationalist walking through the line by kicking him from behind, bringing him down to the ground and producing a bladed weapon during the struggle. Ronan Sharkey from the ABC’s Radio Triple Jay “Hack” program was also a witness to this assault and quizzed the offender quite persistently about it. Also on the available audio tape the offender is clearly heard shouting at the victim of the assault “I’ve seen you around Newcastle. I’m going to find you and have some fun with you!”

Darp the habitual liar denied knowing the offender but with a group he had personally organised that only numbered thirteen that is very difficult to believe. He has shown no embarrassment or remorse concerning this shameful episode but instead has made sick jokes about it on the Internet. He also later made comments regarding the offender’s eating habits, apparently he claims to be a Vegetarian, saying the edged weapon was “merely” a vegetable peeler carried by the offender for the preparation of fruit and vegetables! Strange, is it not, that he should have such intimate knowledge of a complete stranger?

It also needs to be noted that the young “Skinhead” in question has the unfortunate nickname of “Steady Eddie” due to his limp and generally wobbly carriage. I do not know for certain but I have heard some comment that he suffers from cerebral palsy. He certainly would be no more than sixty kilos wringing wet. Not exactly what one would judge to be a formidable adversary. But the brave Darpists are famous for “picking off the weakest in the pack”.

According to one witness who spoke to Victor Whitelaw, Darp’s behaviour that day was eccentric to say the least, but both he and this writer have no way of knowing how typical this is. Apparently he had a very peculiar technique for his Anti-White cheerleading. Rather than simply leading the chant he would march up and down behind the line, pausing intermittently to hunch over, covering his mouth and feigning to cough. Instead he would yell out “Nazis!” or “Fascists” in the manner of a Tourette Syndrome sufferer. As well as displaynig this comical behaviour he appeared agitated, edgy and very shy of direct attention, not the mighty Maori warrior of Internet legend. In short, a certifiable fruitcake.

Victor Whitelaw believes there is an outstanding case of “Incitement to violence” on the part of Darp and his rabble rousing tactics during this shameful incident. He believes Darp is directly responsible for organising the protest, instigating and inflaming the general mood of hysteria and hatred and failing to screen and/or discipline the attendees appearing under the FDB banner that day.

He recommends the victim and his colleagues pursue this legally. Sadly, due to the fact that White Nationalists are made of much sterner stuff and are honourable Men, unlike Darp’s gutless Left Wing terrorists, the formal pressing of charges is unlikely to ever happen.

posted by Victor Whitelaw at Monday, March 06, 2006

Cutting through the BS on the Darling Downs from Darp and his cohorts.

Posted from
ClydesdaleJoined: 13 Aug 2005Posts: 4
Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 1:54 am Post subject: FDB main forum:

“I am a local resident of the Darling Downs and I would like to take issue with "Kromleks" claim of support for the racist WPCA campaign in our local area. Do the people of the Darling Downs support men in balaclavas roaming the streets of Toowoomba and threatening Sudanese refugees?”

Let’s take this dribble apart… As you will see “Clydesdale” (who is not so anonymous anymore) worked along with Mathew Henderson to manipulate the truth and attempt to defame a respected community member, namely Mr. Jim Perren from Crows Nest.

In this first paragraph he claims that Mr Perren or people connected to him have been involved in some rather nasty attacks on the Sudanese community. After a little research and contact with the Law Enforcement Agencies in Toowoomba and surrounding areas old Victor has discovered that NO reports of any such behaviour has been reported to the Police. In fact the only reported incidents involving attacks on Sudanese is a Murder Suicide carried out by “a respected member of the Sudanese community”, and a neighbourly dispute between a Sudanese family and a White family. Our little Lefty from Crows Nest, Clydesdale, describes this dispute and again forgets to tell the truth.

“In one instance a widow and her three children were threatened with a beating if they did not get out of town”. That story, as many will recall from the Toowoomba Chronicle in 2005 was linked to the WPCA. It is a total LIE designed to discredit any opposition to Mark Copland and the (so-called) Catholic Social Justice Commission in Toowoomba.

As Mathew Henderson already knows, Mr Perren is not the type of person who would use such tactics.

Posted on Tim Blair’s blog 2005 by the master B.S. artist himself, Mathew Henderson.


“The Stugmeister is one crazy unit. He’ll never be as tabloid-friendly as
David Palmer unfortunately.
Now that man is KKKrazy!”


Posted by

Darp Hau on 07/31 at 07:03 AM • permalink

What Mathew is saying here is that when it comes to building a smear campaign against Mr Perren he and his FDB followers will have to create an “Evil Nazi” if they want to make a story on the Darling Downs.

The next paragraph from Clydesdale again ASSUMES too much:


“Whilst I presume that the WPCA have been contacted by a handful of One Nation supporting morons throughout this campaign of theirs, they should not interpret pats on the back from these people as a go ahead to continue their campaign of violence and bigotry.”

AGAIN, claims of violence. One only has to look at the Toowoomba daily court list to see who is actually perpetrating the violence on the Darling Downs. Again I will ask any member of FDB to come up with ONE, SINGLE instance of attacks on Sudanese by any member of the WPCA or anyone ELSE for that matter on the Darling Downs. The old saying “if you throw enough mud something will stick” was the FDB plan of attack back in August 2005.

The following paragraph is something to behold. In August 2005 Mathew Henderson in a front page story in the Toowoomba Chronicle asked for public assistance in Identifying Mr Perren. Clydesdale, as far as we can ascertain is the only one to answer the call. His claims of being a resident of the Darling Downs comes into question. Let’s see what he has to say as the Crows Nest expert on Mr Perren. We will then compare what he SAYS to the TRUTH:


“Jim is well known in Crow's Nest for being somewhat strange. A nutcase is the better word. He once formed a community group opposed to the construction of 75 wind towers on properties surrounding the town. Whilst many people admired Jim for taking a stand, the group quickly fell apart when it became apparent just how loopy Jim is and the extent he was prepared to go to in order to stop these windfarms from happening. Though it still can't be proven and seen as I'm not using his surname here I suppose it doesn't matter. There was talk of people having their livestock poisoned if they accepted the wind towers on their property.”

The “Jim” Clydesdale is speaking of is not only NOT Mr Jim Perren but another respected man of the community Mr Jim Harper. Mr Harper who has been reported in The Australian was the key organiser in the Anti Wind Farm Movement in Crows Nest. Mr Harper was spurred into action when he discovered that he would be sharing his property with a large wind farm. With much research and backing from over 100 residents who would be affected by the Wind Farm development Mr Harper came under a lot of pressure from the Pro Wind Farm people. In fact Mr Harper was bashed and hospitalised in the local park by an Indigenous man after he and others set up a silent protest in front of the Wind developer’s tent at the local Crows Nest Day celebrations.

It is not known for certain if he was bashed by this indigenous man because of the publishing of lies on FDB or from information taken from various blogs or if it was just bad luck. Needless to say the perpetrator is currently serving time in Her Majesty’s Gaol. Also Mr Harper was allegedly almost injured by this mans’ relative and friends in a car while on his morning walk on a lonely country road. Mr Harper who could be described as a Greeny/Hippy would never consider poisoning people’s livestock. Therefore rumours and propaganda from both Pro and Anti on the Wind Farm issue are being used as tools to further the FDB smear of Mr Perren.

Does Darp REALLY understand the concept of “incitement to violence”? Does he perhaps have an innocent Man’s blood on his hands? It seems only a matter of time now before Darp’s arrogant recklessness leads him to prosecution.

Tim Blair’s Blog July 2005 leaves enough detail for FDB to assume the “evil racist man” they are looking for lives in Crows Nest QLD. FDB already knew the town Mr Perren lived in, they supplied the information to the Sunday Mail. Mathew Henderson then fills in the details of this mans stand against Wind Farms.


Tim Blair’s Blog July 2005

CURIOUS BELIEFS HELD
A
certain law is observed in Toowoomba, Queensland, where 750 Sudanese refugees recently faced a one-man hate campaign:
The Sunday Mail has confirmed the source of the race hate material is a man who says he is from the Darling Downs town of Crows Nest and uses the internet alias Stug111 – a name taken from a World War II German tank ...

Darp’s reply:

“As for Stug’s appearance. He’s about 5’12, swarthy, beard, green eyes, a bit of a tub with a patholigical hatred of windfarming above everything else, yes, even above the Sudanese.”

Posted by

Darp Hau on 07/31 at 07:57 PM • permalink

Seeing as Mathew Henderson described Mr Perren on Tim Blair’s Blog site in July 2005 as having a pathological hatred for wind farms, it is therefore not surprising the attack on Mr Harper in Sept 05 was allegedly carried out by a non White. This only shows that FDB and Henderson had put out the word that Jim aka Stug111 was the leader in the fight against Wind Farms AND an “evil racist”. How could he possibly get Jim Harper and Jim Perren confused? Enough evidence shows that FDB knew they were allowing Clydesdale to post lies. Any smear is a good smear.

Mr Henderson was in constant contact with Clydesdale would he not compare the description of the two Jims? Mr Harper being a short man in his 50’s certainly is not the description given above by Mathew Henderson now is it? To make this point absolutely clear, Mr Harper has even donated his time to the Sudanese by showing them how to plant and cultivate a back yard vegie garden. Is it a case that in the desperation to create an evil Nazi out of Mr Perren that FDB inadvertently got an innocent man bashed? Great detective work FDB!

On a positive note Mr Harper and many others are continuing to fight the no wind farm fight in Crows Nest.

Jim Perren the Gun thief. From the brave and wise Clydesdale:

“I don't believe that Jim is a law abiding 'white man' either. A number of years ago, a family friend of ours (who is a gun collector) got in contact with Jim regarding the sale of a very old Australian WWII pistol (or WWI, I can't remember). Jim was in possession of this artefact and he sold it on to our family friend. Now our friend is very well versed in military lore and guns and upon inspecting the weapon uncovered the fact that the gun was in fact property of the Milne Bay Military Museum in Toowoomba, a place where Jim worked part time at the time. Our friend returned the property to it's rightful owner and didn't make a big fuss of things. However, Jim no longer worked at the museum after that. During the transaction process of buying the gun, Jim also invited our friend to a Cross Burning celebration. Our friend declined.”

This story above is another TOTAL falsehood. Mr Perren belonged to the Milne Bay Military Museum from 1997 to 2006. From 1998 he was a committee member for the Museum until 2005. Secretary from 1999 to 2003. He left the Museum in 2006 because he could not dedicate as much time to the Museum as he once did because of work commitments but is still a member. At NO TIME did Mr Perren sell, swap, take or steal any weapons from the Museum. Up until 2004 the Museum’s weapons were all stored on Base at 25/49 RQR on O’Quinn St. in Toowoomba in a secure armory run by the ADF. These weapons and others used by 25/49 are all on record with the ADF. They are checked weekly by the Q store personnel. All weapons are registered on the ADF register. If one goes missing look out. The army then built the Museum its own armoury. It is monitored by the Toowoomba Police and the ADF in Brisbane. All weapons are deactivated. The Museum weapons are all listed on the ADF data base.

During his time at the Museum no such weapons were ever donated by the public. All donations by the public to the Museum are accompanied by an acquisition form signing over ownership to the Museum committee. Disposal of any item donated by the public must be passed by the committee. And then the person who donated the item is contacted first. Once a firearm is acquired by the Museum it is passed onto 25/49 to be deactivated before public display.

The curious claim about the “Cross Burning” story highlights the lies that are told. Yes some truth lies in this claim, but this person was never invited. And it was just a large BBQ, STEAK BURNING ceremony. So John, do us all a favour and take your claims to the relevant authorities. Mr Perren has already spoken to them and they are waiting for you to come in and fill in the gaps. You are invited. Don’t be shy.

All claims about Mr Perren and his activities at the Museum have been investigated by the ADF. It was found that ALL these claims are nothing but baseless lies. Just another way for Henderson to smear Mr Perren’s good name.

Mr Perren also has access to a private email from Mathew Henderson to a friend of his in Sydney. In it he threatens to reveal to his NAZI mates sentiments mentioned below from Clydesdale. Unfortunately the email can not be reproduced here as it is in the hands of a solicitor.


Clydesdale again on the FDB open forum:

“I raise this issue here because I am curious as to what Jim's cohorts in the white pride movement would think of such a person who stole Australian military artefacts, stole the property of our diggers who fought and died for this country and sold it on for personal gain? That is probably the most un-Australian, un-patriotic thing I've ever heard of, it's disgusting and based on those facts alone, Jim deserves everything that is coming to him.”

What is un-Australian is fabricating stories to defame a man who helped bring attention to the plight of the fighting men and women on the Darling Downs. To question Mr Perren’s patriotism and accuse him of such slanderous lies is the act of a true coward. Mr Perren has requested that this person should come forward with this information and put their name to it. The anti Australian, anti Patriotic FDB who have attempted to smear the good name of the Milne Bay Military Museum and its committee are the ones who should hang their heads in shame.

In closing, from our one time no longer member of FDB Clydesdale:

“There have been lots of police in town today and yesterday. a few more than the normal Toowoomba squad cars. something is going on.”

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 6:52 am Post subject:

And from our hero Mathew Henderson:

“Clyde, Check your HOME email ASAP.”

Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 9:45 am Post subject:

Might this have something to do with the Toowoomba Police using the Crows Nest Pistol Club for training?

Duh!

posted by Victor Whitelaw at Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Mat Henderson makes the big time. C18 make him famous.

Yes folks he has done it. He is everything you expect from a Lawyer. Jewish, greedy, manipulative, corrupt, hypocrite, cocaine abuser, left wing Labor. Not to mention skilled in Black Mail, stalking, twisting the truth, threats, acts of thuggery and fits of rage.

Why Do People Hate Lawyers? Source

"Have you ever asked yourself why everyone hates lawyers? We need lawyers in our civilization don't we? Heavens no, what makes you think we need them? They do not produce anything really. All they do is raise the costs on health insurance, car insurance, home owners insurance, small business insurance, malpractice insurance, errors and omissions insurance and all this costs you money at the accountant, doctors office, driving your car and even living in your own home.

But is this enough to hate them? Of course it is, but would you like some more reasons? Okay fine, lawyers have rendered our government ineffectual and most of the politicians are lawyers and they never do any thing. Everything the government does is inefficient, want to guess why? Lawyers.

Surely there are some redeeming qualities out there for lawyers? Nope none I can think of. You see in my opinion (this whole article is opinion) I believe that lawyers are a plague against humanity. Is this why everyone hates lawyers? No, this is why some people hate lawyers. Generally the hatred towards lawyers is a personal thing really. Everyone has a really good reason why they hate them so much? What is your reason?"



Shakespeare Henry VI (Part 2) ".
"the first thing we'll do, let's kill all the lawyers"





here is another Law Firm that flagged attention last year.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Mathew Henderson Hau AKA Mat Henderson in his own words.

Mathew Henderson Blackmailing Luke Connors, Stuart McBeth and Andrew Wilson.

"Oh ...ok ...here's a tid bit. When you travel around Europe meeting up with other neo-Nazi fuckheads, it probably pays to be a bit discreet. Even at night, you may have been picked up in a SEARCHLIGHT. Well, let's just say that the Nazi crims you may have been associating with were well and truly in that searchlight and pending legal advice regarding the publication of certain clandestinely taken photos - you may be as well.

Oh, I've said too much, but It's all just so so so so exciting. And here I was thinking that the mullet dude was the smart one.
"

Mathew Henderson Hau and his friends.

"We smashed them.

Smashed who?

The Patriotic Youth League of course.

And who is 'we'?

'We' is a conglomeration of Greens, Labor left, The Australian Manufacturing Workers Union (AMWU) The Maritime Union of Australia (MUA), The Construction Forestry Mining and Energy Union (CFMEU), The Labor Council (Unions NSW), SA/Resistance and other assorted activist groups who today staged a massive counter-protest against the PYL in Sydney.
"

Mathew Henderson Hau trashes another Hotel Room.

"I spent the wee hours of the morning drinking Finlandia straight from the bottle whilst prowling the hotel corridors in nothing but a flimsy bathrobe. We naturally trashed our room and launched half its contents into the hotel pool below. I awoke with a leaden stomach and a stinging head but it wasn't all bad."

Mathew Henderson Hau on the Israeli Palestinian conflict.

"Demographically, Israel has no other choice if it wants to survive. Palestinian birth rates WITHIN Israel already designate that over a third of the population will be non-Jewish by 2050."

Mathew Henderson Hau on personal grooming.

"I shave my balls and I vote!

I shave my nutsack and I am proud!

Though I am presently in the minority insofar as scrotum trimming is concerned I predict that within a few years that most guys will jump on the bandwagon. In anticipation of this, here is my guide to shaving your balls.

1) Select a disposable razor of reasonable quality. Don't go too cheap arsed as you'll rip your sack open and don't go too high end (Mach 3) or the result will be identical. Make sure you use something with a lubricated strip and one of those push button thingies to eject all the hair, there'll be a allot of it!

2) Select a shaving cream with some kind of moisturising content. Something for 'sensitive' skin is usually the go.

3) Now we're ready to begin. Grab the hair clippers give your pubic region a light trim. Make sure the setting isn't on it's closest as it's very easy to nick yourself with clippers. Don't let the blades come into direct contact with your sack, just glide it over the top to remove the length from your ball hair. You really only need the clippers when you're a first timer.

4) Now, run the shower and hop in - remembering to take your clothes off first! Expose your sack to some moderately hot water, not too hot as it'll go all loose and dangly making it harder to shave. Make it warm enough so your pods aren't hanging too low and that the surface of your pouch isn't too rough and compressed.

5) Grab your knob and hold it up as you lather your hairy beanbag with the shaving cream. Many shaving creams have menthol in them, and this stings like buggery if it gets into your cockeye so be careful. You'll need to lather up regularly so keep the tin handy. Run the razor under the shower and then begin with some slow, gentle strokes in an upward motion. Don't be too concerned about shaving with or against the grain - just don't shave hard. Run the razor under the water and lather up as needed. Pull your sack tight around those hard to reach corners, making sure you've got a taut surface to shave on at all times. If you let it hang loose, you'll cut yourself. This is not much fun.

6) You may find that you've got a number of hairs on your actual shaft. These can easily be shaved though it is better if you pluck them.

7) Run your now baby smooth sack under the water and check for any bits you've missed. The part way under the sack where it meets the arsehole is always a trouble spot as you can never really see down there. If you're on incredibly intimate terms with your flatmates, get them to check for you.

8) The most crucial part comes after you've dried off. You do not want to put anything alcohol based onto your freshly shaved sack. It causes too much irritation, especially in hot weather. All of the following topical treatments are acceptable:

Moisturiser (Olay, etc)
Sorbolene
Non-alcohol based after-shave balms (Nivea)
A few quick dabs with tea tree oil followed by talcum powder.
"

Mathew Henderson Hau self analysis.

"I drink milk straight from the carton.
I let others clean up after me.
I fart in bed.
I would rather forget my mistakes than face up to them.
I would rather stay in and watch Flash Gordon than go out.
I bullshit my way out of trouble and then into deeper trouble.
I always oversleep my alarm.
I once brushed the dogs’ teeth with my sisters’ boyfriend's toothbrush.
I then cleaned the dogs’ bollocks with the same toothbrush.
I never use correct punctuation, I make it up as I go along.
I am inconsistent.
I am narcissistic.
I would rather talk about me, than you.
I always eat the last Tim-Tam.
I snap those big chocolate blocks in two in the supermarket.
I once stole a Kinder Surprise from a little woggy corner shop. I was 22.
I always eat two pies when I go to Shakespeares.
I mercilessly pillage famous and not so famous authors for material.
I got my first in-grown hair in my nutsack yesterday.
I spit on the carpet of hotel rooms.
I borrow things and never return them.
I bark orders.
I hold open the elevator door until I have finished my conversation.
I greet every new day with a growl.
I wear short shorts.
I make prank calls to my friends at 3am.
I leave rubbish in other peoples cars.
I NEVER call.
I pick fights with people who I know I can make cry.
I turn my collar up.
I leave the toilet seat up.
I leave whiskers and shaving cream in the bathroom sink.
I enter every room like a fucking tornado.
I dislike 90% of people I know.
I know that 99.99% of them dislike me.
I quote Pacino films.
I quote Rob Lowe films.
I laugh at kids on leashes, even though I was one myself.

I sleep VERY well at night.
"

Saturday, February 6, 2010

The trouble with Darp



I think it’s fair to claim that Old Victor’s stumbled quite accidentally upon the key to Darp’s sociopathic tendencies and the root cause behind his relentless pursuit of anyone with White Nationalist sentiments. We already established long ago that he is genetically challenged (he even alludes to this himself) but now the other pieces of the jigsaw are falling in to place.

It also makes sense now why his main Australian political hero is/was Mark Latham. He can genuinely identify with Latham and his problems. Both have “issues” in Spades. Darp, like his hero, has severe anger management problems and suffers from uncontrollable fits of rage. But more importantly these posts reveal he has simplistically interpreted any activity “on HIS turf” (which now extends beyond Eastwood to encompass Australasia, no less) subsequent to these “incidents” as personal affronts.

This explains his vendetta-like pursuit, stalking and harassment of the PYL lads and then on to the ANFY, the NZNF, the WPCA and the Australia First party. This entire affair of the past couple of years was triggered that night, developing into a very personal crusade, when after years of being a total social misfit, he (in his own tiny mind) validated his own existence by anointing himself the Multi-Cult Grand Inquisitor of Eastwood.

His opening statement is unambiguous:


“I am ready to fucking kill.”

Here he openly admits his anger is uncontrollable and he is basically capable of anything.

“I did snap and god knows what I would have done to any of those pricks if they’d been on foot.”

He even has a slight Freudian slip here and admits, after fantasising about breaking bones, to the genetic imperative underlying his erratic and violent behaviour.

“I would have broken eye-sockets, rib cages, kneecaps and then some, such was my rabid bloodlust. When these genetic “Incredible Hulk” rages subside I usually find myself curled up in a ball crying my eyes out, such is in the intensity of emotion and the somewhat legitimate fear that one day, I may not be able to control it. And bawl my eyes out I did.”

So there you have it folks, a creature who is so consumed by his uncontrollable “genetic” urges of hatred and violence that if he can’t break someone’s bones he is reduced to a blubbering mess in a foetal position! Yes, Darp is a tormented entity who, if he were a Dog, one would declare him a mad mongrel and have him put down. Sad but true.

These are truly devastating confessions and most people would probably die of embarrassment upon their exposure but don’t expect anything more than supreme arrogance and more bluff and bluster. Darp is way beyond embarrassment. He truly believes himself infallible.

The most telling statement is his admission that, shortly following his so-called “berserker rage”, he came face to face with one of the suspects. Darp made a wise decision, when faced with a REAL knuckle merchant, that discretion was indeed the better part of valour
“the party offsider guy had a real “thug for hire” air about him, I backed off and let them cycle away.”

SURE you did Darp, SURE you did. You “LET” them cycle away.

You see, like all bullies, Darp was perfectly happy to bash some geeky looking, pencil-necked kids on pushbikes but when confronted with someone who looked like he might actually put up a decent fight, Darp wet his pants in fright and retreated like the gutless blowhard he really is.

Result? He went home and cried his eyes out in his shame and humiliation at the realisation that when the moment of truth had arrived and he had the opportunity to fight his most hated enemy (read: anyone who doesn’t unconditionally love Multiculturalism) he had backed down. Oh that must have burned. Imagine the self-loathing he must have felt. No wonder he cracked up.





posted by Victor Whitelaw at Thursday, June 08, 2006 0 comments